the universe has no inherent meaning.

and that single idea calmed a lifetime of anxiety.

i spent so much time trying to control my world for the sake of some deeper meaning, something that i was expected to live up to. but then i realized that all meaning is nothing more than what we decide it is. i can decide my life means that i should spend every day waking up and going for a 30 miniute walk. as long as i do that every day then i have accomplished the meaning of life. it's so simple yet so powerful. the societal "meanings" of which most are concerned only function to keep a global machine running. we don't inherently think that having a 9-5 is meaningful yet we allow ourselves to be deeply convinced that it is, so much so that not having one causes us immense stress. the same goes for having a partner, a child, or the plethora of other "meanings" we've been trained to believe are inherent to the human experience. of course there are societal rules we agree to that come with participating in society, such as rules of law and order, but those are surface level and are only in place to maintain order amongst chaos. the type of autonomous meaning seeking i'm referring to is cosmic. this meaning is the existential autonomy that so many go entire lifetimes failing to grab a hold of. today i've reclaimed what is meaningful to me. i find that i want so little from the world that others may see it as failure. however, i think being a passive observer is meaning enough. i document my findings, i reflect on their importance to me, and i decide what matters. in that way i have become a god of my own world. i have nothing else to answer to but my own metrics and that is a freedom unlike any i've had before.